Parenting styles

Authoritarian style

It is one of the main and traditional approaches in family upbringing, characterized by a high level of control and severity on the part of parents. In this style of parenting, parents act as authoritative figures whose decisions are binding on children without the possibility of discussion or objection.
The main features of the authoritarian style of family upbringing are as follows:
 

1. Parents set clear rules and requirements that they consider obligatory for children to follow. Violation of these rules results in punishment.
    
2. Lack of open communication between parents and children. Children do not always have the opportunity to express their opinions because decisions have already been made in advance.
    
3. Parents provide clear instructions that children must follow without question or discussion.
    
4. An important quality that parents perceive as positive is obedience to the will of parents and fulfillment of their instructions.
    
5. Parents have high standards for their children's achievements and demand excellent results in school and other areas.
    
6. Breaking the rules often results in punishment, which can be physical or emotional.

This parenting style can have both positive and negative effects on children. Positive aspects include discipline, structure, and the ability to follow instructions. However, negative aspects can include low self-esteem, internalized fear of parents, and a lack of independent problem-solving and decision-making skills. In some situations, such as when it comes to protecting a child from something threatening, the authoritarian style is actually the only option.

Democratic style

In contrast to the authoritarian style, the democratic approach to family education is based on a different set of values and approaches. Here, parents act as mentors and partners for their children, contributing to their development and learning through dialogue and mutual understanding.
One of the main characteristics of democratic parenting is open communication. Parents encourage their children to express their opinions, feel comfortable discussing different issues, and put forward their ideas freely. They strive to achieve mutual understanding by discussing different aspects and making joint decisions.
Democratic parents also take into account the needs and interests of the child and help them develop independence and responsibility. They give children the opportunity to participate in decision-making, teach them to take responsibility for their actions and deeds to the extent that their age allows.

In a democratic style, punishment is perceived as a last resort, an alternative way to resolve conflicts. It is more important to teach children to understand the consequences of their actions and to be able to control their behavior independently.
This approach allows children to develop critical thinking, the ability to work in a team, and to accept the opinions of others. It enables children to feel valued in the family, promotes positive self-esteem and the ability to communicate constructively.
It is important to emphasize that the democratic style is not a complete absence of any rules or responsibility. On the contrary, it is a balance between freedom and clear frameworks, where parents act as mentors, but at the same time provide children with space for self-expression and self-realization.

Liberal style

This parenting style is also known as permissive. It differs from the authoritarian and democratic styles and is characterized by high openness and freedom for children to make choices and express themselves.
The main features of the liberal style:
 

• Freedom of choice. Parents who use the liberal style allow children to make their own decisions and express their opinions without significant interference or control from their parents.
   
• Minimal restrictions. Parents try to avoid strict rules and restrictions, giving children more autonomy in their behavior and actions.
   
• Openness to experiments. Parents support the idea of allowing children to learn through their own experiences, even if it means making mistakes.
   
• Communication as equals. Parents view children as equal members of the family community and try to discuss issues with them.

The liberal style of parenting has several aspects in common with the democratic style, but there are key differences:
 

• Whereas the democratic style involves a balance between parental control and children's freedom, the liberal style leans toward more freedom and less control. Sometimes it comes to the point where there is no control at all, but this is already destructive.
   
• The democratic style promotes responsibility and independence through joint decision-making. A liberal style may cause fewer demands for responsibility, as children are given more freedom to make choices. The risk here is that the child lacks guidance on what is right and wrong.
   
• The democratic style of parenting emphasizes the importance of joint decisions and relationships in the family. A liberal style may be less structured, and parents may place less emphasis on the role of authority figures.
   

In general, both liberal and democratic parenting styles promote the development of independent, thinking individuals. However, each of these approaches has its own peculiarities and influence on the formation of a child's personality.

The relationship between approaches to teaching children in pedagogy and parenting styles

The overall result of education is influenced not only by the style of interaction between parents and children within the family, but also by the pedagogical approaches used in educational institutions. This complex influence shapes a child's personality, development, and perception of the world around him or her.
Pedagogical approaches in educational institutions, such as kindergartens and schools, play an important role in shaping children's knowledge, values, and skills. They reflect a certain approach to education and upbringing, which can be aimed at developing creativity, independence, or at meeting certain standards and requirements. Let's take a closer look at the approaches used in modern pedagogy.

Traditional

This is a methodological approach to education and upbringing based on the use of established norms, standards, curricula and traditions. It focuses on the transfer of knowledge and the fulfillment of certain tasks, as well as the observance of discipline and order.
The main characteristic of the traditional approach is reproductive learning. That is, it is based on the transfer of knowledge, often using lectures and exercises to learn the material. The emphasis is on students learning and reproducing the teacher's knowledge rather than learning to think for themselves. The following features can also be distinguished:

1. The teacher acts as an authority and a source of knowledge, and students mostly follow his or her directions and instructions.
    
2. The learning process has a clearly defined structure, with predefined lesson plans and organized assignments.
    
3. Assessment is often based on the performance of various types of assignments and tests that measure learning.
    
4. Curricula and standards define what should be learned and achieved at a certain stage.
    
5. The traditional approach may not pay enough attention to the development of creativity, critical thinking, and other key skills.

This approach was dominant in pedagogy for several centuries. It was based on recognizing the authority of the teacher and assumed that knowledge was transmitted from teacher to student. However, modern pedagogical practice is increasingly leaning toward more interactive, flexible, and innovative approaches.

Progressive approach

Progressive pedagogical methods are aimed at the active participation of students in the learning process and the development of critical thinking skills. They place greater emphasis on the development of the student's personality, promote creative thinking, independence and openness to new ideas.
One of the key aspects of the progressive approach is the active involvement of children in learning through practical tasks, project work, research activities, and group projects. In this approach, teachers act not only as sources of knowledge, but also as mentors who help develop independent problem-solving skills.
That is, by its very nature, the traditional approach is more of an authoritarian style, while the progressive approach is more of a democratic one. Importantly, none of them is liberal.

Negative consequences of incorrect family upbringing styles

In psychology, an incorrect (destructive) family upbringing style is an approach that can lead to negative consequences for the child's development and psychological state. This can be caused by insufficient attention to the child's needs, inappropriate methods of parent-child interaction, or excessive control that limits their freedom and independence.
It is important to understand that the issue of "right" or "wrong" parenting style is complex and does not have clear boundaries. Much of the success lies in achieving a balance between different approaches.
The essence of good parenting is to avoid extremes. For example, excessive authoritarianism can lead to insecurity in a child, while an overly liberal approach can lead to a lack of discipline and important skills.
A healthy balance is found in the ability to combine different aspects of parenting, depending on the situation and the needs of the child. This may mean setting clear rules and limits, but also providing opportunities for self-expression and problem-solving. It means actively listening to the child, identifying their interests and opinions, but also providing appropriate guidance and direction.
We will take a closer look at the two main extremes - passive and aggressive styles - and also highlight the ambivalent style and describe why it is dangerous.

Passive style of family upbringing

This is an approach in which parents show low activity and involvement in their child's upbringing. They may show little interest in their child's needs, activities, and emotions, avoid setting clear rules and restrictions, and sometimes do not even try to provide adequate attention and support.
A passive parenting style in a family can be harmful to a child for several reasons:

1. The absence of a clear direction and plan can lead to a sense of uncertainty and inability to navigate the world. As we wrote earlier, the child simply loses his or her bearings in the world, which leads to a search for authority, which is often represented by deviant companies.
    
2. Children may feel insufficient support and protection from their parents, which can cause stress and emotional instability. In turn, this can lead to low self-esteem and a sense of self-doubt.
    
3. Lack of active interaction can create a sense of distance between parents and children, which can lead to poorer relationships and communication.

Although a passive parenting style may arise from the best intentions of parents, its negative consequences for a child's psychological and emotional development emphasize the importance of active involvement and support for the parental role.

Aggressive parenting style and its characteristics

Aggressive parenting style is an approach in which parents show a high level of aggression, dominance, and control in their interactions with children. Here, the importance of punishment and physical control is considered higher than the development of emotional balance and psychological harmony.
It is characterized by aggressive parenting style and methods:
 

1. Parents may use physical punishment or insults to influence the child's behavior. This can lead to psychological trauma, negatively affect relationships and the formation of a child's inner world that is adequate to reality.
    
2. Parents may try to control every aspect of the child's life without giving him or her the opportunity for self-expression and choice.
    
3. The child may be constantly criticized, emphasizing his or her shortcomings and mistakes, which can lead to the formation of negative self-esteem.
    
4. Children may be held to high standards and expectations, which contributes to feelings of failure and powerlessness.
    
5. Children may feel afraid of their parents because of their aggressive reactions and negative behavior.

Children who grow up in such an environment may be more prone to aggression and psychological problems in adulthood. This is not surprising, given that these are the only models of behavior that a slave can reproduce. As the saying goes, a slave can rebel, but as a result, he can only become a slave owner.

Ambivalent style

This parenting style is also known as "dual". It can manifest itself in one of the following ways: 

1. One parent is inconsistent in the way they choose to raise their child. He is either too liberal or too authoritarian.
    
2. One parent is too authoritarian and the other is too liberal. 

Children growing up in an environment of ambivalent parenting styles can be at risk from two opposing approaches at once. This can lead to a number of undesirable consequences:
 

1. Risk of alcohol and drug addiction. Lack of stability and support can contribute to the use of alcohol and drugs as a way to escape from emotional difficulties. 
    
2. Criminal behavior. Children may feel dissatisfied and misunderstood in the family environment due to the instability of parental approaches, which can affect their behavior in society.
    
3. Emotional instability. Differences between parental approaches can lead to misunderstandings and confusion in the child's perception of proper behavior.
    
4. Lack of inner harmony. A child may experience conflict between different parenting styles, which can affect his or her self-identity and self-esteem.
    
5. Difficulties in forming relationships. Different parenting approaches can affect a child's ability to establish healthy relationships and interact with other people.

Children growing up in such an environment can be vulnerable to external influences, especially if they are looking for stability and support that they may not have at home. This can be one of the reasons that contributes to alcohol and drug addiction, as well as criminal behavior, which can bring a child into conflict with the law and society.

Choosing the best parenting style

To make it easier for you to navigate, here is a table with criteria for choosing the optimal parenting style.

What to do if you are using a negative parenting style?

If you feel that you are unable to change your parenting style on your own, contact a psychologist or counselor who can help you understand the roots of the problem and teach you constructive methods of interacting with children. There are appropriate trainings where you can learn the correct patterns of parental behavior with children in different situations. 
Mastering relaxation techniques and controlling one's reactions can also help avoid the negative impact of emotions on relationships with children. And an open and honest dialog with them will allow you to see the situation from their point of view and take into account their needs.
The first step to changing a destructive parenting style is to recognize its existence. Making excuses or ignoring the problem may continue to have a negative impact on the child.
Here are some signs that could potentially indicate that your family is using a destructive parenting style. If you see any of them, it's time to think about it.